Sibs

We’re the wind

We’re the sky

We’re going to roller blade and ride the high.

Truths

There’s a cat in my lap.

I can’t do much else.

So I’ll tell you some things I wish I had been told myself.

You’re Enough.

Good. Smart. Kind. Strong. Beautiful. Brave. Loved.

You matter.

Ignore the former and listen to the latter.

Fall ’23

Silence. It swarms the air.

Better than cicada screeches in my ear.

There’s a crispness to the breeze.

And soon decay will wither leaves from the trees. It’s the Time of year that allows whispers with the fallen.

Fog curdles at night, from silent lips. Wishfull wisps.

Hello December

fog danced with the street lights.

an ethereal Sinatra.

My footsteps echoed, as the pavement’s brava.

I was gene Kelly. And this was my stage.

The rain would cue in my taps

And I’d tip my hat.

The game

I walk toward the hill into Jesus suburbia and I just see you count to twenty and I know you’re about to follow me

Its almost 8 and I know the darkness mess is close. I’ll walk fast and lose you. I know this area better. Or maybe I’m naive and you also know my hiding spots.

My chest is heaving with worry. The traffic sounds are so close but I hear your steps echo and they’re so close and I pick up speed.

I’m swearing and I just want to be close to the street. Close to public and eyes. And witnesses.

“Tag. You’re hit”

I only have time enough to take a breathe before the brightness of a light catches me.

It’s my turn to play flashlight tag.

Predictably unpredictable

Metaphorically I know how to say my feelings in an unpredictable way.

I use personification to say that I feel like a flower wilting in May.

Spring brings flowers, blossoming with light, even though I feel like April is still a cloud showering down with rain on my optimism. Wondering when that shoe will drop down like rain pouring. Even when my heart is snoring like dew drops wet with tears on the new grass growing.

Growth. It’s the leaves changing and decaying. Shedding new skin like a snake adapting to new life. Absorbing heat from the rocks.

Warmth comes and it’s unpredictably exciting.

Never know why

There are questions I have no answers for. Feelings that are swallowed. Fear not faced. Feelings unsure of.

Faced with this insecurity. Pride stands in the way. How to break through the stubborn and the imposter syndrome that consumes my day to day. Who am I.

Am I this caring person that I think I am. Or do I really suck this bad. Am I what my parents think I am. Or am I this amazing person who I know I grew up to be.

I’ll never know why I was treated like crap. Never know why I was never loved like a child should be loved. Never know why I’ve never been given a chance to grow and learn without my past haunting me.

Mistakes happen. They don’t define me. They don’t rule me.

I am not everything I’ve done wrong.

I am worth more than the hate I get. More than the love I give.

I am me. And that should be enough.

Ac is out

In the dark of the night, loneliness finds you.

Binds you to stars, melting your heart.

The moon holds the light, it’s the time to fight.

to break down those walls that are crumbling. Fill that void in the hole of your soul and bloom growth. Grin at the cat who riddles you with options.

The opportunity to forgive.

Your pain. Your past. Yourself.

Whispers of redemption.

first 2 last 2 exercise

First two :

eyes blink in the dark. adjusting to the shades of soft fur. she seeked my warmth, an escape from the lonely rain. it was too dark and wet to see but the vibration of her symphony told me all i needed to know.

Purring comfort while the Whisper in the wind has its aria. Warm. Inviting. Home. The cat that I named pastrami understood. Home was always the long con.

Last two :

While memories of her past lingered in trickles. Little embers lighting that fire inside, the survivor. Hands grasped for hands. Fingers linked. Wishing. Yearning . hoping that this. That this wasn’t this.

The smell of weak coffee and cheap tobacco eroded the peace. Regret and longing crowded the front door. Reaching out, bones yearn for goodbye. A familiar purr. It comes full circle. She curls up and blinks. And blinks. Waiting for that last response that….

*you can’t give. But also the exercise had to involve a stray cat. Went with it.*

Html

You’re cluttered with insecurity. You cut out pieces of you. just to paste them to a version you don’t quite believe in and yet.

Snap crackle pop. The nostalgic voice of innocence. While the a.m static of cartoon intros and animated theme songs caught you in their inner net. It’s all connected now with ether and binary code.

The data doesn’t compute into my auxiliary port. And the hard drive needs room for the brake down you don’t have space for.

And the clipboard of your brain is currently under construction.

It’s one zero zero one one percent still you.